I'm up and ready to get my mental brain in gear and play some good sessions. Being mentally aware though, I'm aware of my thoughts, and I can recognise some faint areas of tilt to do with money lost recently etc. Injecting logic would typically say that 'no money has been lost, only invested in your edge', but it doesn't feel like that given a lot of it was likely spewed off with poor mental game.
So instead I think the logic is more along the lines of 'that particular downswing wave was always going to happen, the apparent free will that makes it seem that you caused it is an illusion as you were so mentally poor, and literally the only thing you can ever control is the present moment'.
I can still tell though that if I were to lose money today in this frame of mind, I'm going to be tilted by it. Kinda weird, it's like my brain is locked and won't come loose. I guess I need to do a bit of a mental warmup, perhaps watch some of the leggo vid of mine that just went up or read some old mental blogs.
Part of the skill of 'the mental game', is that if I'm not feeling it still in a little while, then I at least need to not play until the issues are resolved.
Actually, writing is perhaps helping. Getting sad at money lost is clearly crazy, and indeed I can almost feel myself loling at it now I think about it.
I'm going to go through some forum hands, watch a bit of a vid, and then play a session where I record my thoughts in a mental hand history again.
Wednesday 11 September 2013
Monday 9 September 2013
A Mental Hand History
This might not actually be a mental hand history. I don't know exactly what they are............ I do know though that keeping a log of my mental state in that session was extremely eye opening and useful. Because I was so focussed on the mental game, I was able to pick up when my mind drifted pretty quickly. Anyway, here it is in chronological order.....
Black screen- felt alright, just a wave! - This was about the fact that 20 seconds into my session my screen crashed, went all black while I heard all my tables timing out. I was in a 3bet pot with an AK hand and I was able to be aware of simmering feelings of annoyance, but shining the light on them made them seem pretty lol and thus go away. I was just like, oh man this is just part of the wave of poker, stuff like this happens to everyone! Smiley face!
Distracted by holiday - Felt my mind wandering to Nic going on holiday to France, and the chances of me going. Lol'd at myself for having such a wandering mind and was able to get my mind back focussed.
Maybe shoulda bet river with JJ, aware of some mistake tilt - Certainly aware of some mistake tilt where I underbet turn on a Queen hi board with JJ and shoulda vbet river IP VS TT. This time lasted a little longer than the other times, but injecting logic 'mistakes happen, and it's not a big one anyway' helped me get over it fairly quick.
KQs hand, he cc cc flushdraw, some tilt based on outcome lol - Some dude went CC CC as the PFR on 876ss with KQs and rivered a flush VS my flopped straight. Initial annoyance at the outcome quickly faded though when I became aware of it, and injected logic that this was basically a well played hand by me and perhaps even him.
Felt mind wander slightly about dude who cc down - as above, wasn't annoyed by it at this time but was definitely still considering the hand. Injected logic whereby I mentally filed the hand so as not to think about it any more.
Had good mental game facing a CR with tt on 764 or whatever, folded - I cbet and got CRd ep-bb with TT on 764, and was real happy that I was relaxed enough to come up with an immediate answer and not get annoyed. 'annoyed', lol. What is there to get annoyed about? This is poker, difficult situations happen. What I shoulda done to be even better would have been to see this as an amazing opportunity. Looking back now I can see that it was one, and I think I made a good decision. Basically, some people would have 88 99 55 here to make it easier to play, but this guy wasn't the type and so felt like a fairly easy fold of either being crushed or like not too far ahead.
Mind wandered to Sauce vid, caught it tho! - mind started thinking of Sauce's run it once vid. Not anything useful, was just like 'man why did Sauce need to have his face on it at the start?'. Good mental game resulted in me catching it tho and getting it back to poker.
Felt really good with k6s hand- just a hard to play hand, but was so tuned in and relaxed that I played it really well and pulled off a decent creative bluff in a bit pot
Mind wandered to holiday lol - caught it tho!
had good mental fortitude to lead in the AK hand - basically CCd AKdd and turned a flush, and didn't just auto check turn but lead turn and won all the money cos he spaz jammed. Again, just happy to be so relaxed and tuned in.
Found mind wandering when winning a lot, felt like had to call it a session - was aware of winners tilt, and afraid to lose money back. Definite mental weakness, but not one I'm going to be super bad on myself on when the alternative is sometimes to play on when tilted and lose. Ideally of course, I'd notice the said tilt and get my mind back on the present.
Felt like checking results, decided against and felt good about it - certainly won a few BIs in the session, and tempted to check results as I have been doing for a while now. Resisted though, 'cos 'anything won or lost in the short term is just an illusion' and thus only negative things can come of knowing short term results.
Right that's it, that was fun. Definitely an amazing exercise if ever you feel you have tilt problems, just helps with becoming aware of them, and with awareness should come the death of them, or something. Going to play another session now and be all about the mental game again.
Black screen- felt alright, just a wave! - This was about the fact that 20 seconds into my session my screen crashed, went all black while I heard all my tables timing out. I was in a 3bet pot with an AK hand and I was able to be aware of simmering feelings of annoyance, but shining the light on them made them seem pretty lol and thus go away. I was just like, oh man this is just part of the wave of poker, stuff like this happens to everyone! Smiley face!
Distracted by holiday - Felt my mind wandering to Nic going on holiday to France, and the chances of me going. Lol'd at myself for having such a wandering mind and was able to get my mind back focussed.
Maybe shoulda bet river with JJ, aware of some mistake tilt - Certainly aware of some mistake tilt where I underbet turn on a Queen hi board with JJ and shoulda vbet river IP VS TT. This time lasted a little longer than the other times, but injecting logic 'mistakes happen, and it's not a big one anyway' helped me get over it fairly quick.
KQs hand, he cc cc flushdraw, some tilt based on outcome lol - Some dude went CC CC as the PFR on 876ss with KQs and rivered a flush VS my flopped straight. Initial annoyance at the outcome quickly faded though when I became aware of it, and injected logic that this was basically a well played hand by me and perhaps even him.
Felt mind wander slightly about dude who cc down - as above, wasn't annoyed by it at this time but was definitely still considering the hand. Injected logic whereby I mentally filed the hand so as not to think about it any more.
Had good mental game facing a CR with tt on 764 or whatever, folded - I cbet and got CRd ep-bb with TT on 764, and was real happy that I was relaxed enough to come up with an immediate answer and not get annoyed. 'annoyed', lol. What is there to get annoyed about? This is poker, difficult situations happen. What I shoulda done to be even better would have been to see this as an amazing opportunity. Looking back now I can see that it was one, and I think I made a good decision. Basically, some people would have 88 99 55 here to make it easier to play, but this guy wasn't the type and so felt like a fairly easy fold of either being crushed or like not too far ahead.
Mind wandered to Sauce vid, caught it tho! - mind started thinking of Sauce's run it once vid. Not anything useful, was just like 'man why did Sauce need to have his face on it at the start?'. Good mental game resulted in me catching it tho and getting it back to poker.
Felt really good with k6s hand- just a hard to play hand, but was so tuned in and relaxed that I played it really well and pulled off a decent creative bluff in a bit pot
Mind wandered to holiday lol - caught it tho!
had good mental fortitude to lead in the AK hand - basically CCd AKdd and turned a flush, and didn't just auto check turn but lead turn and won all the money cos he spaz jammed. Again, just happy to be so relaxed and tuned in.
Found mind wandering when winning a lot, felt like had to call it a session - was aware of winners tilt, and afraid to lose money back. Definite mental weakness, but not one I'm going to be super bad on myself on when the alternative is sometimes to play on when tilted and lose. Ideally of course, I'd notice the said tilt and get my mind back on the present.
Felt like checking results, decided against and felt good about it - certainly won a few BIs in the session, and tempted to check results as I have been doing for a while now. Resisted though, 'cos 'anything won or lost in the short term is just an illusion' and thus only negative things can come of knowing short term results.
Right that's it, that was fun. Definitely an amazing exercise if ever you feel you have tilt problems, just helps with becoming aware of them, and with awareness should come the death of them, or something. Going to play another session now and be all about the mental game again.
Mental Update
I'm here to talk about how my mental game has been TERRIBLE of late. Well, the past month and a half anyway.
As an aside, my writing has 'gone' atrocious as well. I swear to god I used to be pretty fluent and could write in a way that didn't sound all disjointed and, well, written by a 9 year old trying too hard.
Anyway, back to my terrible mental game, evidence of which I can see right at this moment as I rush to finish this blog so I can get back to playing with a mental fish's outlook and probably lose a ton more money.
If I was asked to describe the nub of my mental problems at the moment, I'd say I don't exactly feel 'relaxed' as I'm playing. I can certainly convince myself I feel relaxed, but I find my brain constantly taking itself off on a journey away from poker, or at least the things that are important. My mind will slightly drift, I find I've 3bet KJo oop to a good player deep. Flop comes J94ss and I check call a 3/4 bet. Uh oh, and then typically spend the next 2 streets berating myself for auto pilot 3betting it in the first place.
Certainly all my problems could be solved by being more 'present' in the Eckhart Tolle sense, but until I've mastered that art I certainly need to learn to deal with my thoughts in the way that Jared Tendler would advise in the more mainstream way of dealing with tilt.
Actually on that, I guess I don't need to become amazing at the Eckhart stuff (by the way, if anyone doesn't know what I'm talking about, read 'A New Earth' by Eckhart Tolle, it's the key to happiness (promise)), rather I suppose just 'noticing' my tilt thoughts as they occur goes a long way towards solving the problem.
Just had a read through some old mental game blogs; this one http://grogheadflowanalysis.blogspot.co.uk/2013/04/april-results-going-forward.html I think is really good and helpful, and illustrates the kind of mindset I need to work to achieve again.
I suppose, (sorta a lightbulb moment) that the main aim of this blog, and the key to playing well consistently, is to make the mental game and the nuances of it 'THE MAIN THING' when going about my day to day poker business. My thoughts have certainly strayed before into thinking things like; the technical aspect of my game is letting me down, or like oh I'm not winning 'cos I'm not being aggressive enough or I'm not calling enough or I'm forgetting to do XYZ. The truth is, now that I'm a bit calmer, that if my mental game is spot on then I'm going to be at least a small winner in any 2-5 game.
Basically what I'm maybe saying is, that any technical improvement will only yield fractions of bb/100 in the long term, whereas mental game improvement is actually hugely beneficial, probably at a guess a difference of around 10bb/100 and that's not exaggeration. I'm not even talking about huge tilt monkey vs Zen master, more like average reg who doesn't pay attention to it and when tilted loses at 4bb/100 VS the same reg who works on his mental game and suddenly in the same situation manages to still have an expected winrate of 6bb/100.
So yeahhhhhhhhh, I'm all about the mental game from now on. Technical stuff will come to me in game when I'm super mentally zoned in.
I love writing blogs, I could never have unearthed these thoughts without writing them down. Mad eh?
I just realised something else....... I've got a big (internal, I don't generally smile to myself) smile on at the moment at this realisation. Basically, a lot Eckhart Tolle's teachings are about how noticing things within yourself makes them die and disappear. So like, once you notice your ego in certain situations, the sheer ridiculousness of it becomes apparent to you and thus it falls away and you become more present.
What writing this stuff down has done is much the same effect on me. Just the thought about getting upset about losing a flip, getting coolered, making the odd mistake is (I've just realised) just so SO ridiculous that I can feel it dying away even as I write this. Poker should be seen as basically a wave that your ride, and the skill is in riding the bad waves as well as the smooth ones. In fact, riding the bad ones is way more important than riding the good ones, and as such each 'bad' situation is an amazing opportunity (one that happens with the same frequency to ALL your opponents) to make a quality long term decision unaffected by mental noise or anguish or loathing of the past or fear of the future.
So that's my goal right now, to get to a place where I see a bad situation as an AMAZING opportunity. Can you imagine the mental power in actually thinking that way? And the best thing is, it's not a delusion, rather; the standard way most people think is the delusion.
I'm one tabling the shootout WCOOP at the moment, but after that I'm going to play a session and record all my mental thoughts about it here in the comments, or maybe the next blog I dunno.
Edit: Making a new blog entry having played the session
Thanks for reading........ woooo this is exciting!
As an aside, my writing has 'gone' atrocious as well. I swear to god I used to be pretty fluent and could write in a way that didn't sound all disjointed and, well, written by a 9 year old trying too hard.
Anyway, back to my terrible mental game, evidence of which I can see right at this moment as I rush to finish this blog so I can get back to playing with a mental fish's outlook and probably lose a ton more money.
If I was asked to describe the nub of my mental problems at the moment, I'd say I don't exactly feel 'relaxed' as I'm playing. I can certainly convince myself I feel relaxed, but I find my brain constantly taking itself off on a journey away from poker, or at least the things that are important. My mind will slightly drift, I find I've 3bet KJo oop to a good player deep. Flop comes J94ss and I check call a 3/4 bet. Uh oh, and then typically spend the next 2 streets berating myself for auto pilot 3betting it in the first place.
Certainly all my problems could be solved by being more 'present' in the Eckhart Tolle sense, but until I've mastered that art I certainly need to learn to deal with my thoughts in the way that Jared Tendler would advise in the more mainstream way of dealing with tilt.
Actually on that, I guess I don't need to become amazing at the Eckhart stuff (by the way, if anyone doesn't know what I'm talking about, read 'A New Earth' by Eckhart Tolle, it's the key to happiness (promise)), rather I suppose just 'noticing' my tilt thoughts as they occur goes a long way towards solving the problem.
Just had a read through some old mental game blogs; this one http://grogheadflowanalysis.blogspot.co.uk/2013/04/april-results-going-forward.html I think is really good and helpful, and illustrates the kind of mindset I need to work to achieve again.
I suppose, (sorta a lightbulb moment) that the main aim of this blog, and the key to playing well consistently, is to make the mental game and the nuances of it 'THE MAIN THING' when going about my day to day poker business. My thoughts have certainly strayed before into thinking things like; the technical aspect of my game is letting me down, or like oh I'm not winning 'cos I'm not being aggressive enough or I'm not calling enough or I'm forgetting to do XYZ. The truth is, now that I'm a bit calmer, that if my mental game is spot on then I'm going to be at least a small winner in any 2-5 game.
Basically what I'm maybe saying is, that any technical improvement will only yield fractions of bb/100 in the long term, whereas mental game improvement is actually hugely beneficial, probably at a guess a difference of around 10bb/100 and that's not exaggeration. I'm not even talking about huge tilt monkey vs Zen master, more like average reg who doesn't pay attention to it and when tilted loses at 4bb/100 VS the same reg who works on his mental game and suddenly in the same situation manages to still have an expected winrate of 6bb/100.
So yeahhhhhhhhh, I'm all about the mental game from now on. Technical stuff will come to me in game when I'm super mentally zoned in.
I love writing blogs, I could never have unearthed these thoughts without writing them down. Mad eh?
I just realised something else....... I've got a big (internal, I don't generally smile to myself) smile on at the moment at this realisation. Basically, a lot Eckhart Tolle's teachings are about how noticing things within yourself makes them die and disappear. So like, once you notice your ego in certain situations, the sheer ridiculousness of it becomes apparent to you and thus it falls away and you become more present.
What writing this stuff down has done is much the same effect on me. Just the thought about getting upset about losing a flip, getting coolered, making the odd mistake is (I've just realised) just so SO ridiculous that I can feel it dying away even as I write this. Poker should be seen as basically a wave that your ride, and the skill is in riding the bad waves as well as the smooth ones. In fact, riding the bad ones is way more important than riding the good ones, and as such each 'bad' situation is an amazing opportunity (one that happens with the same frequency to ALL your opponents) to make a quality long term decision unaffected by mental noise or anguish or loathing of the past or fear of the future.
So that's my goal right now, to get to a place where I see a bad situation as an AMAZING opportunity. Can you imagine the mental power in actually thinking that way? And the best thing is, it's not a delusion, rather; the standard way most people think is the delusion.
I'm one tabling the shootout WCOOP at the moment, but after that I'm going to play a session and record all my mental thoughts about it here in the comments, or maybe the next blog I dunno.
Edit: Making a new blog entry having played the session
Thanks for reading........ woooo this is exciting!
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